It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Monday, September 22, 2008

Poor Old Fat Cat

My heavens the last couple days have been rough - on Fat Cat!
A) Fat Cat broke is baby toe and bruised his entire foot so bad it is ½ purple ½ odd green How did that happen ?
1. We have two large pieces of exercise equipment that are in my formal living room and my loft. Fat cat cannot remember where they are.
2. Deaf blind guys should where stedl toed shoes when wondering around the house.
3. Exercise equipment will leap in front of you when it senses you may be drinking and are barefoot

B) Fat Cat nearly had a fight with his best friend, his brother, his stepfather, and several members of the community. How could this happen?
1. In an effort to assist his brother with his political ambition, Fat Cat agreed to get up with a hangover and broken toe to put up signs.
2. He recruited his best friend, who is not familiar with the area, and, as he has now learned, cannot read a map worth crap.
3. Because they were running late his stepfather picked up Fat Cat’s signs and gave him a huge stack and kept a very small stack for himself.
4. People who have not signed up to have a sign in the yard, do not want one and will tell you about it, loudly.

C) Fat Cat’s children are giving him fits, causing him to eat an entire bottle of Rolaids. What could they be doing now?
1. Soldier has blown out his knee, and may have to have a major surgery, which may end his military career, and rendering he and his family homeless, or headed to our home.
2, Butterfly has moved in with her new love, the Palestinian
3. Butterfly has moved in with her new love, the Palestinian
4. And again, Butterfly has moved in with her new love, the Palestinian.

D) I am apparently trying to kill Fat Cat.
1. I use a shaving gel that seems to leave a very slippery oil residue on my bathtub.
2. When falling, the large decorative shower curtain and rod are not good to grab on to as they are not permanently affixed to the wall, and will blast you about the head and tangle in your arms
3. I do not put the caps on my shampoo and conditioner so that when the decorative shower curtain collapses they flip into the tub creating a more slippery surface
4. I have a shower hose that when you flip upside down your foot will hit and it will start whipping around drenching the entire bathroom in hot steaming water.
5. After severe bruising of the ribs, and spewing of choice words, Fat Cat cannot get any help (for some reason, ungrateful Angel flees the house before a nude Fat Cat falls into the hallway.)

The whole horrible time started last night and has Fat Cat hold up in his chair refusing to leave the house this evening.

1 comment:

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