My soon to be new boss has assured me that all is well. But I have not seen any paperwork yet. My current boss and her boss are not speaking to me (how incredibly mature!) and it seems they were making an attempt to cause me grief over my vacation (soldier is coming home, my vacation shall NOT be f'ed with). I cut that off before it got going and had them firm the dates today. I am getting a little nervous because if I do not get this then I am going to go through some serious hell. I have no choice, tomorrow I will be wearing my lucky fat girl pants. I can take no chances to leave it to fate!
I do not want to get too excited, but yesterday I was offered a new position in my company. It is pretty heavy, and of course, financially it will be a completely lateral move (I swear, if I were to be offered a partnership it would still be financially a lateral move!). But at this point I just do not care, I have to move, I have to have something new and exciting and away from my micro manager boss. Anyone that works for what could be my new boss, have only good things to say, I just have not heard anything bad. Employees will talk you know. I told her she would have to get this cleared through my boss and she called her right after I left. My boss was on the phone, not happy, slammed it down and left for an hour lunch. Later she told me that she knew I had been interviewed for the position. So while they tell me I have the job and she tells me I am one of those being interviewed, I am afraid to get too happy. She is not one to make anything easy, especially when she can make it really hideously bad.
Fat Cat is spinning out of control, Soldier and his family will be here in 2 weeks! He has created so many projects for himself he is completely overwhelmed and paralyzed. He has pretty much freaked the %$^&# out and in doing so, took his meds twice yesterday.
Fat Cat: You people have got to start answering the phone!!! I missed ^%%%^&**$ four phone calls from Soldier yesterday! I finally get some sleep and you people let the whole $%^%^& house fall apart!
Angel (to herself) Ok, Rip Van Winkle, life is a little confusing when you go to bed on Tuesday and you wake up on Thursday.
Fat Cat: I have not had a good nights rest in 2 years while he has been at war. And he tries to talk to me and no one will answer the $%%^&% phone when it rings.
Angel (to herself) Unlikely that soldier called 4 times, although just coming from a war zone for a year and half, I am sure he has nothing to do but call people repeatedly during the day.
Fat Cat: And the hot tub guy left messages and I can’t get those either!
Angel (to herself) His number is not on the caller ID from yesterday, the day you slept most of , maybe it is on your voice mail, oh wait, you cannot access your voice mail because no one can remember the password.
Fat Cat: I need to call the hot tub guy today, and Soldier. I have to call HIM back. I do not know why you people will not help me. You have not answered the phone in 4 years. My son is just back from the war and trying to get in touch with me, and I ….
Angel: (aloud) here is the phone, it is ringing.
Fat Cat: I do not even know the hot tub guy, it is Tanks friend you know him, you should be the one calling him…
Phone: (a woman’s voice) Hello
FC: Can I speak with Dave please?
FC: Dave, the hot tub guy. He left me a message yesterday.
Phone: You want Dave???
FC: Yeah, is he there? Can I talk to him?
FC: (to himself) Dave has a real winner of a wife there, my God!
Phone: (a man’s voice) Hello?
FC: Aren’t you the guy who fixes hot tubs?
FC: Sorry, I must have the wrong number, Dude, I am looking for Dave
Phone: Dad, it’s me, Soldier. Your son, the one in Army.
FC: Oh, did not recognize the voice there, I was looking for the hot tub repair guy
Phone: I could maybe help you out if you had some terrorist attacking, but hot tubs... not so much.
FC: I’m so sorry, Angel dialed the wrong number, she doesn’t listen sometimes, and damn, I just did not recognize your voice
Angel (to herself): Umm, I think you asked for Soldier’s number, not Dave’s.
Phone: And you did not recognize my mother’s voice either.
FC: F*&^*&^, was that your mother? Nope did not get that one either.
FC: (to himself in regards to the ex-wife, abandoner of children) I hate that c*&^#$%^&!
Angel: (in text to Tank) do you have Dave, the hot tub guy’s, number?
Tank (in text back) yeah, but I think it is on the message he left yesterday.
Angel: (text) think-----think----think-----
Tank (text) oh, they can’t get those messages, can they?
Angel: (text) and there you go
Tank: I’ll get it.
FC: Angel, good job, I was starting to loose it and you knew talking to Soldier would calm me down, you were right, talking to the Hot tub guy when I am all upset would not have been good. Could have done with that ^&&^&^(*$%%^& ex-wife moment, but got a laugh out of Soldier. We better get started on some stuff around here, not much time before they are coming up for visit. If I could remember this password, I am going to call this #$%$%^& guy and set him over here ……
Our soldier is home! Well at least on base, he called last night at 1:30 AM and I got to the phone before it completed the first ring! He sounds great! The 15 hour flight was survived only with medics patrolling the ailes with bottles of sedatives, like stewardess's with peanuts. They were so out of it, he said it was like a zombie movie with cigarettes.(they had a slight layover and all of them were chain smoking to get enough nicotine for the flight home!) The plane had some wiring issues that caused the smell of fire and a layer of smoke to roll around the cabin, ("The captain must have had some of the pills, because he got on the speaker and asked if anyone smelled smoke.") but they made it and his voice was light and giggly. He was chatty and witty and we talked for a long time, without the echo of the overseas line and the pain of distance. He fell silent at one point and I asked him what was wrong. He said "she is so beautiful" as he held his baby girl on his lap while she rested. "I am so glad I'm home." Me, too.
FAT CAT: Boys, you want to play in the sand box? Crack Baby 1 and Crack Baby 2: (screams and clapping) YES YES!!!
FAT CAT takes them to the back yard and flips the lid off the can box, and they have at it!
Crack Baby 1: Pappa, there is a snake in the sand box. FAT CAT: I’ll be there in a minute. (then to me) the rain brought up some worms, I’ll get them. CB1: Pappa! FAT CAT: I’ll be there in a minute - I’m doing stuff. CB2: PAPPA! FAT CAT: I’m coming, it is just a worm. CB1: The snake won’t let us play. FAT CAT: Oh, for heavens sake, I’m coming, what the hell are you talking about, it is just a freaking worm - you aren’t afraid of pit bulls and a worm has you curled up in the corner. How are you ever going to be able to fish, if you can pick up a damn worm! You boys….
(The sound you are hearing is Fat Cat screaming as if the dead had risen, and two little boys screaming because he is screaming. There is crying, not sure who started that, and lots of arm waving.)
FC, CB1, CB2: SNAKE! SNAKE!
Fat Cat grabs one of the hot dog roasting skewers and flips the 15 inch snake out of the sand box and into the yard next door. He then pokes the sand with the skewer to make sure there are no more of them. The Babies go back to throwing sand, and Fat Cat has to get a shower and take a sedative.
The first plague to hit were boils (Note, these appeared in the arm pit of Sashquash, which is just pretty much a joke all by itself), here are the comments regarding said boils--
1. It is just a pimple, let me squeeze it and get over it , you girl (said by Angel, before she actually saw them) 2. HOLY ALIEN POD, BATMAN (said by Angel after seeing the two really large boils) 3. Mom, if you had a cancer tumor would you be able to see it? (By Angel to me, later that night) 4. My God! You have testicles growing in your pit, Dude! (Said by Tank, as they are about that large and hair covered, this comment was accompanied by a grimace so hidious I thought I may have seen them myself ) 5. Okay, two boils walk into a bar (angel - right before she fell down laughing) 6. Indiana sashquash and the pimple of Doom- (Fat Cat - also laughing) 7. Great Banister - (said by Sashquash as he realized it was the perfect height to lean his arm against, keeping it off his second set of testicles) 8. Get your balls out of your armpit, put them in your pants, and make a decision (Angel, I am not sure what the situation was but the comment was great and I am going to use it from now on when some man is being retarded.) 9. OOOH, the boil is popping, I may not be back for awhile (Angel as she raced out the house to assist in what ended up to be lancing) 10. what up, Boil Boy! (me - said as if he were Flavor Flav, hand motions included!) 10. What, are you getting sick? Good, I am writing the jokes now, pay back is a BeeYatch! (Sashquash to all of us as we started getting colds!)
Hey the cops were on our street and they were not here for any of us! It is late, so just a note, but yes, we had two cop cars with sirens and lights. It was like “Cops” live, with guys getting arrested and a woman arguing against the arrest of her man. The car was towed and handcuffs o’plenty! Let me tell you, it is a true sign that summer is officially here and the Barrell is ready to roll! Yeah Baby!
For those of you that know me and have had been faithful followers of my tales, you well know that silence is never a good sign. Things have been simply chaos, not bad really but just so bizarre (now that is brand new isn’t it??) that I have not a clue where to begin. There has been a plague, a pregnancy, a problem with a home coming, a major renovation that is not going well to say the least and several absolutely hilarious conversations. All this has come to a head since Saturday. I actually have several blogs started and because something else comes up, I hit a delay. I am approaching a much needed three day weekend, so stay tuned! It is going to be good!