It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!

Last night was trick or treat and it was a truly Kracker Barrell night. Zowie brought her mother, who is out on bail, so that was awkward. (She later called and told me her mother told her she was glad we were there for her, she won't worry so much when she is gone. very very sad) Number One and his family came over, the first time we have seen them in a few months. Now Fat Cat and Number One are back on a love fest and have called each other about 10 times today. So there were a lot of kids. George was Obama and he was just so handsome and my heart just melts when I see him. Since I did not make the chili and hot dog buffet I usually do, because of time, and opted for chicken an pizza ($65, OMG- next year, wieners baby) But all in all everyone was happy. Fat Cat was in Halloween Heaven, and collapsed in his chair, (starving, because all the food was sucked up and he did not get any). He loved having everyone here.
And so did I! It was wonderful!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Trick Or Treat Fairy

We have lived in this house for 16 years. Every year we get a slip of paper in the mail box telling us when trick or treat night is going to be. We have no idea who does this. Not a clue. How bizarre is that? Some random secret neighbor sneaks around placing these in our mail boxes without being seen, without taking credit, without being a complete control freak and making it a bigger deal than it is. I do not know who it could be. I do not know anyone so complete unselfish as to manage this whole thing without wanting credit. And for so many years.
There is only one option, it must be the trick or treat fairy, not a real person. We have our slip, it appeared in the box, and the day is Thursday, between 6 and 8. This is going to be great!
Thank you Trick or Treat Fairy!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Chaos Continues

Wow, what a crazy last few days. Zowie's biological mother was arrested and things are really bad. Zowie is all upset, understandably, as her mother is 51 and detoxing in a jail could result in a lot of drama. Bail was met, but now Zowie wonders if her mother staying in jail would have forced her to break the meth habit. The whole nightmare has Zowie in tears and frustrated and angry and embarrassed.

Soldier's boy has pneumonia, which has Soldier in tears and frustrated and angry and under the impression that he somehow is responsible for his son's agony.

Butterfly is trying to break it to Fat Cat that her relationship with the Palestinian (who Fat Cat has now named The Sheik, so we are going to call him that from now on because it is just funny) is really serious and announces he is wanting to buy her a ring. Which has Fat cat in tears and frustrated and angry.

Number One's daughter went with Fat Cat and his daughters to the haunted houses, which, since she is just 11, had her in tears and frustrated and frightened.

And I continue to work a bizillion hours a week, which has me in tears and frustrated.

Makes you just want to come visit, doesn't it???

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Just Did Not See It Coming

Here is how to tell you are going to have a crap day;
1) the dogs wake you up by barking – at the exact time you should be LEAVING for work, not getting up!
2) You use a blood curdling scream to tell your husband to wake up – let the dogs out and feed the animals because you do not have time
3) You do not have time to shower, and opt for strong perfume and brushed teeth
4) You fly down the stairs only to have your husband (now sleeping in his chair) yell at you to make the dogs stop barking (note, they are still outside, and at barely 5 pounds each they are probably freezing to death)
5) You race out the door to find your car covered in ice and only have time to scrap peep holes in the ice
6) zooming through an intersection, you realize – after hearing the horns and tires screeching – the light was probably red.
7) The first thing on your email at work is NOT the tracking information for a shipment that had to go yesterday- it did not go
8) You actually have to hang up on one of your best friends, because her big problem of the day is which country club her and her millionaire brother are going to use for their mother’s 75th birthday extravaganza
9) In the rest room you realize you forgot to grab enough feminine protection to get you through your 12 hour work day, and you now have to call the husband and have him bring some to you at lunch because you will not be able to do both the store and the drive thru in your ½ hour.
10) When he picks you up for lunch, you actually have to go get a lunch because there was no time to pack one, which ends up costing you $20 because your husband has no gas.
11) You try to resolve the shipping problems with an email authorizing over night shipment, which you spell Over Knight – hilarity has ensued in the shipping department and you get calls like, ‘Is this Gwenevier? Lancelot has not left the building. Is that the dark knight? ‘ etc. (funny, they normally do not have a sense of humor)
12) When you get to your second job, you absolutely cannot wait another minute and rush to the restroom, choosing of course, the only stall in 10 that has no TP

But things turn around when your mother-in-law tells the people you are now working with, that she has spent her life with two sons, and then she finally got the daughter she always wanted.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Nothing but Fun

Today, Fat Cat had an interview (which, by the way, he got lost on the way and managed to be late by about 10 minutes, although oddly enough he was the first one there) for a part time maintenance position at a rehab. Okay, now this is funny on several levels. My personal favorite is, after two weeks of having to clean house, take care of the dogs, make dinner, and being alone all evening has drove Fat Cat from the comfort of his Laz E Boy. That is all he needs is something part time, he is so bored in his retirement that this may be something that will help him from getting so down. Even if he does not get the job, he is motivated! The trigger was a nasty brier incident with my bushy haired Pomeranian's. They have taking to rolling in them. It is not pretty.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

We Now Own A Vampire

Yes, my brother in law bought us a 6 foot tall very intimidating vampire! It took about an hour for us to figure out how to put it together (1/2 before we opted for the directions and 1/2 hour to undo that part and complete the figure post directions).

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I did a shot at work!

A flu shot, come on, I have not gone completely mad! So now, I am limping on my big swollen purple throbbing foot, bags under my eyes, I have a sore bicep and i think I may have a little bit of a fever. Yes, I cannot tell you how attractive I feel. Now if I could just top it off with mother nature or maybe a giant zit.

I miss my friends, I miss my kids, I miss my clean house, and my own cooking. And I would like a little cheese with my whine please!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Fat Cat's Spin Machine

Also know as, 'oh lord, please let this not be as bad as it sounds':

Fact - Butterfly's new apartment with her "Palestinian" boyfriend is a basement apartment that is extremely cheap and they are not getting cable because it is too expensive

Fat Cat - I think they are just being thrifty and saving money.

(under my breath I casually mention that cable is considered a pretty basic item for most Americans)

Fact - Butterfly tells her father that this boyfriend has a degree and will be getting a job in Texas, so they only took the apartment for 6 months. He is currently working at a beer and wine carry out

Fat Cat- Well - I wanted her to have a rich boyfriend and he will make enough money for her to fly home and see us.

(under my breath I mention that Bin Laden is rich, OJ is rich, not always a good sign)

Fact- The boyfriends mother is coming to see him, she boards a plane in Abu Dabi with her two sons but one is not permitted on the flight.

Fat Cat- She said he has some problems because he got a girl pregnant.

(under my breath I mumble something about they usually just kill the woman, and i think there could be other issues that keep him off the plane. like he is on a list of some kind)

Fact - Butterfly tells us the boy's mother speaks no English and wears a Burka.

Fat Cat - She takes the Burka off when she is in the house, she just keeps it on in public.

(I mumble something about how she is probably measuring Butterfly for her Burka now.)

Fact- Butterfly tells us that his family is very close and he likes to spend a lot of time with them

Fat Cat - Maybe she will get the opportunity to travel, that is something she has always wanted to do.

(i just hope she can get back and I mention that we should probably not give all this information to Soldier )

I did have a thought, maybe we can get a couple camels and a goat for her. Fat Cat did not find me amusing.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I'm a Ghoul

Well, I have broken my toe so bad that from the baby toe to the big toe, it is purple and so full swollen I cannot get my shoe on it. Lesson learned, a grown up should not run through the house. I have no idea how I am going to get through tomorrow. We are also almost out of Fog Juice for the machines, seriously hampering the Halloween festivities and we cannot find it anywhere. I am freakishly tired with bags under my eyes and now have a limp. I appear to belong in the Halloween display.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Stink in a Cloud

13 hours in a pair of, lets say - affordable, dress shoes, has proven to be more than my feet can take and they are literally rotting away. At least that is how it smells, and although my dogs (the real canine ones, not the clumps at the bottom of my legs) LOVE the results (and I do mean love like in the humping crazy panting way). In an effort to defuse the stench (i do not want anyone calling the police to tell them there is a decomposing body in my cubicle at work) I took today's shoes and put some nice corn starch baby powder inside. I slipped my little black shoes on and off to work. As I walked from the parking lot i actually caught a whiff of the powder, mixed with what now took on the smell of a dirty baby diaper. I looked down as I walked and with ever step I took a small fluffy cloud of White puffs from my shoes. Petite little white poofs of mist that are covering my black shoes and ankles. Great. Very professional don't you think?

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Self Imposed Torture

I am still here, just chronically tired and feeling my age (although at my second job I am the kid!). Job 1 is going well , could be better but I am still learning and the frustration between not knowing what is the best way to handle things and what things need to be handle best, is a little overwhelming. I will get it eventually and at least everyone I am working with seems to be helpful and witty and appreciates me and my spontaneous outbursts. Job 2 is truly amusing, and some day when there is no threat of jail time I will tell you stories about government that will have you on the floor. But since there is the whole 'you can't talk about it' clause - I will just have to hold off - even the anonymity of the Internet is not enough to keep me safe! Fat Cat has been working on Halloween, and my house has been transformed into something out of a movie set, with a grave yard in the front and ghouls all about!!! OHHHH so scary. On the down side I actually missed church for the first time in a long time, and I have some guilt over that. Buster and Duke are missing me the most, they are joyous when I get home and cuddle close. Only about 4 more weeks of this self-destruction and I should have punished myself enough!

(As a side note- now that I have 1/2 hour drive between one job and the next Ihave become somewhat cell phone dexterious, Angel programed the speed dial for me - as I nearly wrecked the first time I tried to dial on the expressway. Although yesterday when I had the phone on vibrate in my lap and Tank called and I was not sure if it was being electocuted or what the hell was happening - actually screamed allowed - and never did get the phone call answered. And forget that whole call waiting thing, because there is just too much going on to drive and figure that out. But I have fallen in love with the convenience of it all, if I can just get the speaker phone to work!)