It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Monday, March 30, 2009

Tortilla Cake

"Do you want some cake?"

"What kind is it Grandma?

"Jello Cake"

"I don't like that."

"Have you ever tried it?"

"No, but I don't like it."

"Sh^&%^, how do you know? Cake, good, icing good, jello good. What do you want, boy, one of those fancy, tortilla cakes?"

"Fat Cat, what are you talking about?"

"If he don't want this good cake, then he is nuts"

"No, I mean what is a tortilla cake?

"You know those fancy ones with the tortilla on the top."

"No, I don't know."

"Yes you do, you made one, it was nasty, you had a big cake and you wrapped it in a tortilla thing"

"I have never made a cake wrapped in a tortilla, that would be a burrito."

"That is like a sandwich this is a cake. Not a taco shell, it was round and white."

"That is a tortilla."

"I know that is what I am telling you."

"But not on a cake."

"yes, you did, you rolled it all out and put it on around the cake."

"Are you talking about that Fondant Icing? The white sheet of icing that you put on wedding cakes?"

"If that is what you want to call it. But I'll take a piece of this pudding cake."

"It is a jello cake"


Thursday, March 26, 2009

You're Fat, That will be $600 at the Desk

I have only been in a panic all week waiting for this exam, and I was spazzing so bad on the way there I gave Fat Cat the wrong directions, got lost and of course screamed at him for not helping me at all.
Get there - get my boob pressed like a crepe when I notice a spatula atop the machine. I cannot help myself and ask if they use that to smack the bad patients. They have no humor there. I still have no clue what the spatula was for, one of life's little mysteries. So I had to wait while they processed the latest of the films and called me back in.
Well, it seems that the 'mass' is watery fat. Thanks Doc, for pointing out that I have gained so much weight since I had this done, that my test from then and now were drastically different. Great. I have been freaked out all week, because well, I am fat.
Fat Cat is very amused. F^%^%&ing doctors.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Back On My Feet, Fat Cat is on his Knees

While I was in my bed for the last few days trying to keep the reaper off of me, Fat Cat could not handle two little Pomeranians all on his own. Could not do it. He decided to get collars to curb their incessant barking. Which, i know does not sound very humane, but they will not stop barking and when laying with me in bed, they will not let anyone, ANYONE come near me. It was killing me and driving Fat Cat to the point of Kanin-iside. So he get the collars on the dogs. Now, what they do is emit a sound that is so high pitched only they can hear it when they bark. And it annoys them to the point that they quit barking after one or two barks. seems like a good idea, until the first couple of incidents when the sound that only dogs can hear, hits Fat Cat directly in his hearing aids and drives him to the floor in a blood curdling scream writhing about like a vampire hit by sunlight. So now instead of repeating barking from two dogs we have barks and screams. I am hoping it trains all of them to shut up and stop bothering me!!! It won't but it is very entertaining!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I Am A Hot Mess

Do you know what is worse than getting a hair cut that is too short? So short that the fact you have a freakish small head now becomes painfully obvious and will surely mark you for ridicule among friends and co-workers if you do not quickly learn to manage it with hair product? So short that you just may be mistaken for a gym teacher or golf pro?

Well that could be getting a call from Zowie telling me that my favorite grandson is getting in huge trouble at school, and is showing signs of aggression and frustrations that are now causing expulsion and suspensions. So Fat Cat freaks out and determines that we need to get that boy over here and let him get that aggression out riding and running. So what is worse than Fat Cat buying a mini bike that he cannot afford so he can 'help' this young man?

Could be finding out that your cousin (on your father's side) murdered his wife and then killed himself? Oh, yes, that is worse. And you are at work when you hear and you cannot believe it so you call his mother and she bursts into tears. You spend several evenings going to their house and letting his parents talk, because listening with compassion is your strength and all you really can give them. Your heart breaks seeing their pain and your stomach turns as they go over and over the details because no one else will talk to them about it. And you bake cakes and fudge and treats and take them with you because you are channelling your mother and all you can do to comfort them. They are in such shock and there could not be much worse that could happen.

Unless in the middle of all this you get some sort of viral infection that makes your ears feel as if they are bleeding and lowers your voice about 3 octaves to where you sound like a man, a scary cigar smoking whisky drinking man. (with terribly short man hair, OMG, I am turning into a guy) And you are trying to work and worry and think and be compassionate, and you are starting to fade fast in to the abyss of Niquil. And you think, my good, could this be any more horrific of a week?

And then you get a call, from your doctor, at work of course, that you mammogram is not right and there is something there, and you now have to go back for an ultrasound, and possible biopsy. And yes this is worse, and of course, your mind goes into a complete melt down because, well, you are high on cold medications and you have seen all those life time channel movies, and you know you have been having pain. Which is why you went in the first place, because there was something going on. Sweet Jesus great news this is.

So I have seriously stopped asking could it get worse. In the last 10 days I have just been spinning out of control. Miss me????

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

It is Viral

My computer has gone crazy
I am really not being lazy

Once the kids get it back on line
I will give you a piece of my mind

But for now I have stolen a minute
Sadly, my post has not much in it!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


The Octo-Mom situation is still making me nuts. I think the Doctor who impregnated her needs to be sued for child support of these 8 kids. He got her pregnant, I don't care if it was with a turkey baster. In my opinion, if you willingly knock up a crazy woman who can't afford the child, she has the right to get support from you. Let him pay for their care, he was careless with his seed.

Monday, March 2, 2009


Obsessed I am with finding actual vanilla beans this weekend. Not exactly as easy as you would think. I just get these ideas in my head and I freak out completely until I can put out the flaming idea. Well, now I am off and running on god dang vanilla beans and have traveled from Gourmet store to hippie central to whole food organic f-ing warehouse. Because I must have vanilla beans now I tell you , now. I found some but a little too natural as they had fur, and I am reasonably sure that vanilla beans do not have fur despite the swearing on a bible of one of the Manson family who was helping me find my way. I found some others at one gourmet Mecca but at $5 per, I decided to continue my search for the economical vanilla bean. While searching Fat Cat was not grasping the concept of my search.
“why don’t you just buy some in a jar or something?”
“Because I want to make a special extract.”
“Don’t you have some at home?”
“No, I’m out, I used the last that your brother brought me from his last cruise.”
“what does he do steal the packets of the tables?”
“what are you talking about?”
“Packets of vanilla from the tables on the ship.”
“Why would there be packets of vanilla on the table”
“Well, what else would he be stealing?”
“I do not think he steals the vanilla, he buys it for me, in Mexico.”
“ In little packets?”
“You don’t know that.”
No, I do not know that. But if there are packets of arsenic I am going to find them.