It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Friday, January 30, 2009

He is gone ==== for now

What does a woman do the first night after her husband leaves her
1. Gets a french bread pizza and pecan sandies
2. Uses the remote to watch, well, nothing special or for longer than 15 minutes
3. Worries about how she is going to pay her bills this month
4. Sits in the quiet house and screams until she throws up = how did it come to this?

Thursday, January 29, 2009

At Least It is Quiet

The screaming has stopped, Fat Cat is somewhat subdued. I think he is relishing the fact that the kids are not here. Tank is still at his friends (note, he forgot to take any pants with him, what a hoot, he had to go buy a pair!). Angel is with Sasquatch, I know she is safe with him. (I am the luckiest mom, I do not have to worry about her, he is a good man). I have taken to my bed, staying out of the line of his firey rants and cuddled up with my puppies. I humiliated myself at work, by bursting into tears repeatedly. My drama is all I could think of. Reason number one million why I cannot keep this up. Soldier called, Fat Cat is probably going out there for awhile. Soldier is not happy about it. Number One called, he is worried about us. I am concerned too, if I can just get through tomorrow without a complete nervous break down.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Police Just Left

For those of you who have been following you must know that at times Fat Cat becomes volatile, especially when drinking. Tonight Tank could no longer take it (Fat Cat has been sabotaging things lately, cutting the cords off the heater, bashed a light fixture so that when the light was turned on it shorted things out) And it came to a head. It was bad.

Tank is staying at a friend's. I am cowering in a corner. He is raging on the phone to anyone that will answer. I have warned Angel so she does not come home.

We are done.

Rough Week

Sorry have not posted. Things are a little out of sorts here. Fat Cat is spinning so far out of control I am not sure he is ever going to be able to unwind. I know I cannot go on like this and if the weather or the spinning or the chaos does not stop on it's own then I am going to be forced into stopping it. And that will be ugly.
(Fat Cats latest list of complaints: 1. Butterfly refuses to call him back, and her phone is disconnected and we do not know exactly where she is living, and with her history, this is a very bad sign. 2. he is getting close to 51 and has decided that his life is horrible and with his history, this is a very bad sign. )

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Proof Once Again that We are Idiots

We get the GPS for Xmas and we love it, but our mini van does not have one of those cigarette lighter things in it, that you need to plug it into if you are going to make a lengthy trip. It only has one in the way back. Why? I do not know, but there is one way in the back. Well we have used it a couple times and plugged it in the back and then I had to climb in the back and hold it - which makes the whole taking a drive together and talking kind of a waste. So Fat Cat has been trying to install a lighter thing in the front. He got part of it done, after buying all the stuff $$$$$, but he could not figure out how to do the rest. Of course, I am nervous because the van is only 4 years old and we are still making payments and rewiring something could lead to wrong wiring and there could be flames. And Fat Cat is getting frustrated, no good can come from that. Tank is usually my saving grace in these cases as he can usually just do this stuff and therefore Fat Cat is not let loose with dangerous items like wire cutters. But it has been below zero degrees and Tank’s jeep is taking up the garage, leaving this work to be done out in the elements, and Tank keeps putting it off. Fat Cat who will not do anything when any one else wants it done, has been freaking out because he wants this done now (there could be traveling being done) , and keeps trying to get Tank to do it. He could wait no longer. He grabs a neighbor and during the heat wave of 16 degrees this weekend he does manage to get this done. Now, I, the chronic worrier have internally convinced myself that the heat going out in the van was directly related to this issue, and have been chewing bitterly on how it cost me like $100 to have this stupid van fixed from something that Fat Cat probably did putting in the GPS for trips we will never take and can’t afford. So my anger is getting all stirred up and even though the van is fixed I absolutely refuse to go see the new lighter plug that is positioned near the passenger seat, my seat, so I can work the stupid thing. Now at the same time this is brewing, Fat Cat has missed placed his cell phone (which by the way is really is mothers, she got a new one and still had this one, and since they charge you like one hundred thousand dollars to break your contract, she just let Fat Cat use it.) He is looking, looking, and cannot find it. So today, in desperation, after he had to tell his mother (who is on vacation in Florida in a condo, hate her) that he has lost the phone, and waited like a four year old for her to scream at him for being so incredibly stupid and irresponsible, which did not happen but might as well have, because he feels it should have. Anyway, he goes out and completely cleans the van out, in search of the phone. He has tons of junk in the van, from tools, to fast food trash, to empty cigarette packs. He has been working overtop a lot of this while putting in the stupid lighter thing, but refuses to clean it out because ’it is too f$%^ng cold’.

I get home from work and Fat Cat says, ’you gotta sit down I have to tell you something.’
‘Oh my God,’ I say, but on the inside, I am thinking, what the hell has happened now.
‘You know how I put the plug in the van?’
‘yes,’ I say , but on the inside I am thinking, here it comes, he is about to confess that he has ruined something in the van that I am still paying on.
‘Well when I was cleaning it out today.’
‘Yes,’ I hear it coming, he probably has burned some wire that makes the whole van run.
‘I found the cigarette lighter.’
‘OK,’ probably about 30 of them, I am thinking, because they were probably lost in the mess.
‘We have had one up front this whole time.’
“What?” now I have been in the van a lot, I have drove it, I have traveled in it. The kids have drove it. There is not a cigarette lighter in it.
‘Right below the cup holders.’
‘No. I got to see this!!’ I don’t even put my coat on and charge out into the subzero.
I push the cup holders in but still can’t see it.
‘You gotta lean way down.’
I climb over the seat and look under the cup holder area, and there tucked back in the center part of the van, is a cigarette lighter plug and a little cubby hole. Never knew it was there. Four years. Never noticed it.

PS. We got a call from Mom in Florida, her husband found the phone in her car!! Fat Cat had borrowed it when the van was down and he had a doctor appointment. Go figure.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Thank you!!!!

I would like to send some Thank You’s to people who really deserve it for the lovely weekend they have supplied:
1. I would love to thank Fat Cat for the never ending complaining and pouting about how he is old and hurts everywhere and no one cares about him and his problems. Thank you , it means so much that you acknowledge how much I do for your children and how I worked two jobs so your children could have the Christmas of their dreams. It means so much to me that you acknowledge my efforts to bring joy into the lives of others, and I so enjoy your pain and suffering as you sit in your chair for days on end in your retirement.
2. Thank you Tank, for taking out your frustration with your love life, your father, and your career on me by screaming at me several times over the phone in an attempt to some how make me responsible for all of it. I do not know what brought this barage of profanity on, but I so enjoyed it.
3. Thank you Sony, for creating some sort of melt down in the Play Station 3 that has given Tank yet another reason to feel miserable and unlucky and another step closer to complete meltdown.
4. Thank you, stupid ass pick up truck driver that slid into Fat Cat while we were crossing the parking lot, because the already raging Fat Cat really needed yet another reason to lose it completely and start spewing cuss words about the parking lot. And especially thank you for also screaming back so that ‘it was on’ and there were F bombs dropping and finger waving and Fat Cat complete with glasses and hearing aids was announcing that he was going to ‘kick his f&^&% ing ass’ once we all got into the store. Thank you. I love to flee from the impending police arrival at the grocery store I go to every week.
5. Thank you , dealership service man for telling us the reason we do not have heat in the van (note it was 11 degrees inside the van, and we have no defrosters either) is because of some thingy ma bob, that can be replaced and we will be out of there within one hour for around a hundred dollars. Thank you for telling us all that, while you actually hold up captive for 3 hours and want to charge me $600. And a big quadruple thank you for saying it with a smile so that Fat Cat looses it and announces he is going to ‘kick your ^%&^^ing ass’ right in the middle of the show room. Yes, it was great that you only charged us $85 for not fixing the vehicle. I should have charged you a fee for prying Fat Cat’s hands from your little scrawny neck.
6. Thank you wood burner cement mantle for jumping in Fat Cat’s way while he was stumbling to the bathroom after the better portion of a bottle of rum was consumed. Because I love that my husband now has no big toe nail and no toe nail on his next to the big toe toe. Thank you for giving him this lovely bloody stump look that almost looks like red painted toe nails, leaving Fat Cat to announce in the middle of night in a quite house that he is going to ’kick you f&^%&^%ing ass’ you stupid wood burner. Now he is not able to wear shoes and of course is brandishing the liberated toenails as evidence of your viciousness. Yes, Thank you.
7. Thank you spirit world for making a 'has not worked for 10 years' watch worn by a meth head suddenly start working right in the middle of the funeral service, because that announcement has now freaked out my grandchildren so bad they are having nightmares. I do not know why this has happened, but it is just great I tell you.
8. Thank you everyone for giving me one of the best weekends on record. You have officially kicked my f^&%&^ing ass.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I Cannot Sleep

Okay I am taking my tree down and dwelling. Because that is what I do best. (not ‘taking trees down’ obviously since Xmas was forever ago) I am also folding laundry and helping my daughter try to salvage a cake mix that now has one cup too much oil. I am a queen at multi-tasking.
The current object of my dwell, is the fact that my ex-husband is about to hurt my kids again. I know they are grown, I know they are adults and can make their own decisions, but when it comes to him they are six years old again. Not so much my son, he seems to be completely ignoring this situation, much to the disgust of his sister. And Zowie. Probably (note, the cupcakes seem to be okay, we added some flour, sugar, and coco powder, they are more muffin-like, but salvaged none the less) is the one that will be the most wanting things to go well. She is always under the illusion that her father is suddenly going to be a dad. I have watched her forever get damaged again and again. I swore that was not going to be my kids, but it is - to somewhat less a degree, but painful nonetheless. And now their cousin has died and they will all be together. I have one billion ornaments. My God. I am wrapping each up in a plastic grocery bag, like two or three at time. I pulled some off that Eric had given me over the years. Eric’funeral is Saturday. This young man deserves the rest. His life was chopped up spit out and stomped on by his alcoholic mother, the driver of a car that did not see the boy on the big wheel, a controlling grandmother, and no one else that gave a crap. He never drove, never had a girl friend, nor a chance. And even now, as he is finally in heaven where he can find peace and rest and a day without a violent seizure, he is being over shadowed by the very people that should have cared for him. So the tree is still up, but I have almost all the ornaments off of it. It looks like Christmas still, all the snow and cold. I love all my ornaments all the memories, all the special moments. I even have some from my first marriage, ones that were mine, and meant something to me. More laundry, god, this is painful. Never ends. None of it. Everyone just wants to be loved and respected but the people we want to have love us, sometimes are not capable. That is the most painful part. Almost as painful as watching my Angel hurt ... again.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Fighting my way through the day

Very bizarre last few hours:
Lots of snow and ice, but made it home from work without incident which was amazing since I am a MaGoo behind the wheel. Stopped and got gas and chips and dip on the way home, ready to stay in for the night. Then Fat Cat has some sort of freak out and has to leave when I get home. I am parked behind him and instead of him moving my car to the other drive way he tries to squeeze it beside the van and buries it in a ditch. WTF? My neighbors, than k God, were quick to come and help me, swooped in like snow ninjas and whished off into the night!
Colder and more snow this morning. Ran out with dogs on my heels to start my car and chip a layer of Ice off the windows. (my rear window defroster does not seem to be able to keep up!) All the sudden I see a thick angry dog standing in the road. Like a hound from hell it just stood defiant. Of course my little princes, have no clue from hounds of hell, they start barking and prancing and all I can do is scream and try to get them back into the safety of the house. Just quickly enough . I stand in the house looking out at the hound, which is now between me and the car and my way to work. And my keys - laying in the snow from the flaying about. F&*^*^ it. I open the door grab the snow shovel and whip it around like a samurai warrior. This hound could be rapid. I am not taking any chances. I send that thing running without having to bash it’s poor little rabies infested brains in. Ok, maybe it was not that vicious but it was seven in the morning!!! WTF?
So I am now running late and get to my desk just as I realize I do not have my shoes. I am stuck with my old lady Totes, which are fur lined and already making my feet sweat and I do not even have my coat off. I cannot take them off because nature is not my friend - I could really cause a mass panic that cyanide is sneaking in the office. I have fat cat bring my shoes at lunch, but I forgot to tell him I needed socks, and of course he would not think of that on his own. WTF?
I need a vacation.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Some Tough Kracker

I have told you there are some tough MFer's in my neighbor hood. But I think we have the winner. A crazy som-bitch blasted his wife to death with a shotgun (open season on wife's that attempt to divorce their husbands is obviously still going strong), then he held his four year old hostage while the SWAT team arrives. After hours of negotiations they broke in and blasted the 6'4" giant of a man (another possible Sashquatch) with less than lethal bean bags,known to knock a grown man back about 5 feet. Nothing. Not even a phase. The sniper was told to shoot. He gun jammed. One of the officers shoot a 9mm at his head, hitting him mid-forehead almost between the eyes. IT BOUNCES OFF! After a surge of cops and wresting the buy yells 'was that all you got you pussies! " Great. These are MY people. I do not know what type of cromagnon this guy was, but OMG. Tank has been talking to the cops, his friends, and it is as it sounds, bizarre. Krackers are thick headed, literally!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Today Show Boil Over

I do not know if anyone saw that totally insane Ann Coulter on the Today show yesterday, but I did and I have been boiling ever since. Basically she blames us women as the fault of the decline of America. (Funny, I must have missed the female CEO’s that went to congress for Bail out money.) She so cleverly explained that prisons are filled with men (what Ann? Men you say) that were raised by single mothers. Since these men could not possibly be there because they decided to use, sell or steal drugs or because they choice to beat, abuse, rape, or kill women, I am sure the single common denominator is their single mother. I sure you will not find any commonality in their economic circumstance as a child. (But I am sure we can trace that back to that lazy good for nothing single mother) I am sure that since all wages are distributed fairly and their mothers surely made as much as any man. And I am sure their mothers had good day care readily available while they worked. And I am sure their mothers had bosses who totally understood that a sick child was more important than the task at hand. And I am sure their mothers were supported unconditionally by the Baby Daddy. What Ann? That does not matter because it is the woman’s fault? Ok. So it should not matter that the baby daddy will rather MURDER her than pay child support (Do ya watch the news at all???), so it should not matter that if she is bamboozled into a marriage that is abusive and is MURDERED when she tries to leave (Can you say Peterson? I will let you pick the first name.) My God, it is open season on women out here in the real world because these men are frustrated and broke and you have the nerve to blame US for the state of America??? We are just trying to get by day to day and we are responsible because we are out here alone and broke??? Ann, just because you have not had to struggle to get a $35 a week child support payment from a man making three times what you are making, or because you have not had the joy of trying to find someone to pick up your sick kid from school so that you do not have to leave your job yet again, that does not make you amazing. Economic times are getting worse, and our kind, dear Ann, are the ones that will suffer the most, while good old boys will look out for their buddies, and we will be on the chopping block for layoffs because we miss work because of those damn kids. And some bosses will use that opportunity to bring up how we should be more appreciative. And some of us will be wondering what and whom we will have to do to keep our jobs or our roofs over our head. No Ann, it is not women and our fatherless bastard kids that are running American into the ground. Because a woman would not have been stupid enough to take a jet to a bail out request (at least not our own). Because a woman would not be dumb enough to outsource all of the jobs and then wonder why no one can afford to buy our product (we are too much control freaks to rely on someone else to do the work where we cannot see it.). For heavens sake Ann, go talk to your mother, because your education and your style tell me she made huge sacrifices for you, whether your father was there or not. And you skinny beeyatch, eat a cupcake, get over your self and go hug a kid.

Monday, January 5, 2009


Comment from Fat Cat on his Christmas GPS:

"I don't have to be a direction genius guy now, I hate those f*&^*&ing guys. They won't stop, they'll go 10 hours out of the way rather than stop and ask. I'll stop and ask, but now at least I can try to get somewhere. I love this f&*&^ing thing, I absolutely love it. It is really smart, I keep trying to trick it and it just re-calculates and gets me there."

Note - Fat Cat is using the thing to get everywhere, including the gas station he goes to everyday for his Cup-accino! He loves him some technology.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

The Last Day

I have been off work since Christmas and I have to return tomorrow. I am seriously on the verge of a massive throw myself on the floor and cry depression. Now do not start with the 'you are lucky to have a job' stuff, my mother's voice is already doing that in my head. But Iwant to whine. I do not want to be the one that has to get up and do it everyday. But I also want to eat everyday and keep my roof, so I will drag my now 10 pound heavy butt to work tomorrow. Maybe there will be a stop for a lottery ticket on the way - what can it hurt?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Is this a Sign?

Happy New Year! ??!!!

Fat Cat has been up 12 minutes and managed to break a full length mirror in the bathroom. We are doomed I tell you!