tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31603086704845826622024-03-12T21:42:01.026-04:00kracker barrelIt is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? NeverImmortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.comBlogger277125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-78129813250395142532012-05-23T15:00:00.000-04:002012-05-23T15:00:07.243-04:00I am Going to Live in a BoxI went to the ladies room, where upon I found myself unable to open the stall door after completion of my task. I actually became somewhat panicked because<br />
<br />
<br />
1) I would have to be in there until someone came and helped me, which of course would be someone that would hugely embarrass me, probably like a director or something. I would be considered an imbecile and probably laid off as soon as possible. Then I would lose my house, and have to live in a box.<br />
<br />
2) I would have to crawl out under the door, which would result in ruining my dress clothes, at the least. I would without a doubt get some form of hepatitis. And I would be definitely spotted crawling on the floor by my coworkers, who would have to report my insane behavior and I would be ‘allowed’ to leave for medical reasons. Then I would have everything I own repossessed, sold at auction, and have to live in a box.<br />
<br />
3) I would completely have a melt down because I would flash back to my childhood, when at about 4 or 5 – it was Christmas morning and my door was stuck and I could not get out and they could not bust open the door because I would not get out of the way. I was in hysterics and obviously severely traumatized because at this moment I am about to have the same reaction. And start screaming and crying about Santa and gifts and help me help me. Which would show that I am having a mental breakdown, and when I get out of the institution I will have lost all my family because of their humiliation and I will have to live in a box.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Then I reached over and turned the lock the other way and let myself out. Sometimes I just over react.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-27379444844586343132012-04-04T20:22:00.000-04:002012-04-04T20:22:57.524-04:00Use Your UterusMy call at lunch today--<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"I cannot find my #$%^&;^(* teeth! I am probably going to have to go to the doctor's without them. (*^&(*&;(%^("<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Did you have them this morning?"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Yes, that is the *&!!;^*&$#%%^;^ aggravating part because I had them in my hand to go clean them and now they are gone. They are here somewhere. Unless the (*&!!!;(* dogs got them, then I am &!$$#*."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"When you went to clean them what do you do?"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"I went upstairs and I noticed that one of the (*& (*&; fish was dead. I do not know what I did that is causing these fish to just drop dead. I clean the tanks; I balance the water, then all the sudden dead fish. I think the other (*&a ;*(&a ; fish are killing them1"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Go up by the fish tanks"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Okay, but I really need to find my teeth. I have to leave here in about 10 minutes and I need my &a ;^^&; teeth. I sure hope that I did not throw them away or something, I'm gonna dump out the trash in the bathroom, and maybe the one by the fish tanks. &a ;%*&a ;^(*"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Don’t dump the ...."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"I found my ^&** teeth, they were right her on the table by the tanks, &**&%* I have to go"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"What about the trash?"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"I will get it later, I got to clean these and get out of here."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Hey, why did you call?"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Well, normally you find everything, you told me that the uterus is like a homing device, and mine was not working."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Funny"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Thanks, but I did not even need you, I found them"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Your uterus must have kicked in"<br />
<br />Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-4868991731208035992012-04-04T11:35:00.002-04:002012-04-04T11:35:41.537-04:00Repost-- I feel fine........As easter approaches, I was reminded of how fun they have been in the past, i found this old post and put it on here again. It makes me chuckle!<br />
<br />
Monday, March 24, 2008<br />
<br />
<br />
I FEEL FINE...... <br />
<br />
White trash holiday weekend Quiz<br />
<br />
1. You will not be having Easter at your house next year because<br />
<br />
A) You will be doing 25 to life for killing the entire family last year<br />
<br />
B) You will be in Hawaii on the insurance money from your husband being murdered last year<br />
<br />
C) you will be having pureed ham in your room at the 'hospital' after your breakdown<br />
<br />
D) you decide that if you blog it, maybe it will not seem so freakishly hideous<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
2. You spend the Friday night before the holiday -<br />
<br />
A) Shopping for all the food for the dinner, because you did not have any money until Friday<br />
<br />
B) Shopping for your mother in law because she asked you to pick up a birthday present while you are out, because she is too busy and you are going to Walmart at midnight anyway<br />
<br />
C) You do the week worth of dishes that your husband, who is home all day every day, did not find time to do.<br />
<br />
D) Your oldest son's second baby momma shows up with your hyperactive grandson to drop off a gift for the impending birthday party and proceeds to tell you your son no longer has a driver's license because he is so far behind in his child support<br />
<br />
E) All of the above.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
3. The Saturday before the holiday is really busy because,<br />
<br />
A) You have to attend a birthday party for your juvenile delinquent granddaughter at your oldest son's first Baby Mama's house<br />
<br />
B) You have to find a ride home from the birthday party because your husband 'does not feel well' and leaves after about 10 minutes.<br />
<br />
C) You have a weeks worth of laundry to put away because no one in the house is able to identify their own clothes.<br />
<br />
D)You have to listen to your husband rant about how little the ham is that his brother actually bought for the holiday (note, the first time anyone else actually bought the meat for the holiday)<br />
<br />
E) All of the Above<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
4. Easter eve is always hectic because<br />
<br />
A) Your brother in law shows up with a new ham but hints that he is a little hungry<br />
<br />
B) You are prepping all the food to feed an unknown number of guests around 2 the next day<br />
<br />
C) Your son and daughter, go pick up and pay for pizza and wings because you are too busy<br />
<br />
D) You dye eggs with your grown children at 1 AM and cannot stop laughing<br />
<br />
E) You blurt out 'I feel fine' for no apparent reason other than to give your children ammunition for making fun of you all the next day (note, you do not really feel fine)<br />
<br />
F) All of the above<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
5. Easter morning is excruciating because<br />
<br />
A) you have to get up at 6 to start the dinner for what is now 16 people<br />
<br />
B) your son in Iraq calls just to tell you he loves you, and how he was ambushed and very frightened and you let him tell you and you try to sound amazed and proud<br />
<br />
C) you spend an hour throwing up and bawling because your son in Iraq called to tell you he loves you and how he was ambushed and very frightened<br />
<br />
D) Your husband is ranting, literally ranting, about how Easter was almost ruined with the wrong ham<br />
<br />
E) Your daughter in law calls because she is in Georgia on an army base alone, with a husband in Iraq and she is crying and worried and you have to lie to her and tell her it will be fine<br />
<br />
F) your mother in law calls to tell you she can reimburse the birthday present Monday, but she will have to give you a check because the ATM will not give her cash.<br />
<br />
G) all of the above<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
6. Easter dinner was a little chaotic because<br />
<br />
A) Your step daughter from your first marriage brings her two foster children who are 3 and crack babies, to dinner and continually screams at them to "settle down, leave things alone, don't touch that,"<br />
<br />
B) Your step daughter from this marriage brings her boy friend and her husky/ border collie/ lab / beagle mix dog to dinner<br />
<br />
C) your mother in law brings her check that 'should be good on Monday' and her shiatsu to dinner<br />
<br />
D) your two crazed inbred Pomeranians begin alternately humping and fighting the intruding two new male dogs (note, all are marking their territories, hence more screaming)<br />
<br />
E) your husband and his brother are almost at fist-a-cuffs because of the f***ing ham<br />
<br />
F) All of the above<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
7. Directly after dinner, things do not settle down much because<br />
<br />
A) the dogs had been forced outside, where it was extremely muddy and you have to give your Pomerania a bath (note, your step daughter did offer but your dog bites and you do not need that at the moment)<br />
<br />
B) You tell the crack babies that the shrimp are really baby snakes, which you soon realize makes them scream and run<br />
<br />
C) your grandson, son, and future son in law are in another room playing video games and kicking all the other kids out of the room<br />
<br />
D) your husband will not shut up about the stupid ham<br />
<br />
E) Your step-daughters and your husband keep disappearing into the garage and then returning all red eyed and devourer all the desserts<br />
<br />
F) Your Step daughter's boyfriend now has to give his dog a bath<br />
<br />
G) All of the above<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
8. The crowd starts to thin out and you realize<br />
<br />
A) Your house now smells like wet dog and dog urine<br />
<br />
B) You forgot to turn off one of the crock pots and the noodles are really thick and extremely hot C) You are the only one doing dishes<br />
<br />
D) You may not have showered in two days<br />
<br />
E) all of the above<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
9. In an effort to find the positive side of things<br />
<br />
A) You realize you have managed to get all the dishes done<br />
<br />
B) your step daughter did clean up after the crack babies<br />
<br />
C) your son is staying home tonight so he can go to a job interview in the morning<br />
<br />
D) Your daughter in law in Georgia has made it through the last major holiday that she will ever have to spend on her own<br />
<br />
E) The police did not show up this time<br />
<br />
F) All the food tasted fantastic, not one bad dish<br />
<br />
G) You are going to have to tell someone about this weekend<br />
<br />
H) All of the above<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Answers : You know the answers! And all of them are true, every last ridiculous detail. And when asked how I was doing all i can say is "I feel fine!"Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-48482960765736391292012-02-10T20:10:00.001-05:002012-02-10T20:10:33.267-05:00I'll String Along with You<span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">"You may not be an angel, 'cause angels are so few</span><br style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;" /><span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">But until the day that one comes along, I'll string along with you</span><br style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;" /><span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">I'm looking for an angel, to sing my love song to</span><br style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;" /><span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">And until the day that one comes along, I'll string along with you</span><br style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;" /><br style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;" /><span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">For every fault that you have, dear, I've got three or four</span><br style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;" /><span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">The human little faults that you do have, just make me love you more</span><br style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;" /><span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">You may not be an angel, but still I'm sure you'll do</span><br style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;" /><span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">So until the day that one comes along, I'll string along with you"</span><br />
<span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="text-align: -webkit-left;">
<span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">My mother loved this song, I heard her in my sleep last night, humming it over and over. I woke up with it in my head and heart. It is so funny when it happens, those moments when she seeps into my dreams and gives me something to smile about. I miss her.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;"><br /></span>Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-87104983370886177002012-01-15T07:31:00.002-05:002012-01-15T07:31:52.307-05:00You Can't See MeA recent event where my future daughter in law witnessed an armed robbery had made me reflect on actions. She responded and got out of the situation and called 911 and did everything correctly. In situations like that where you have the instant fear, you are supposed to react with either fight or flight. I am not really able to do that. In intense fear I freeze - like a deer in head lights - thinking somehow that if I do not move or blink, i am somehow invisible. That is my reaction to fear. Invisibility. while other become invincible.
Looking deeper, i realize that is how i actually function in life in general. When situations become too intense, i just become invisible, to my friends, to my family. I do not know when this started for me, must have been in childhood, but after all these years i can see that is my habit, a defense of sorts.
With this new found knowledge it is time for me to take off my cloak of invisibility and get out again.Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-20904971616504458572012-01-09T20:16:00.002-05:002012-01-09T20:16:47.210-05:00TranslationKracker Barrel lingo
Fiance` = Baby Daddy or Baby MommaImmortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-30509802449036069422012-01-08T15:44:00.000-05:002012-01-08T15:44:20.235-05:002012 THE END IS NEARWell the first sign for me happened today!<br />
<br />
Fat Cat went to church with me, yes, he did, and nothing exploded or burst into flames!<br />
<br />
Definitely a sign!
<br />
<br />Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-49232429603787247212012-01-04T19:50:00.002-05:002012-01-04T19:53:20.556-05:00Sweet Chocolate Covered JesusSweet chocolate covered Jesus<br />
<br />
I just heard this expression today, I do not know if it is some sort of Holy Ghost entity or if it is a racial slur. But I love it!<br />
<br />
I am going to invent a dessert and call it this, possibly for Easter, maybe with nutter butters and marshmallows, and call it sweet chocolate covered Jesus. (how do you get Jesus out of nutter butters and marshmallows? tell him "stop eating my junk food, I can still see you even if you are the Holy Ghost!"-- okay that was bad, i am sorry)<br />
<br />
Every time something bizarre has happened today, I say it to myself and laugh!<br />
<br />
“Sweet Chocolate Covered Jesus, this customer is angry!”<br />
<br />
“Sweet Chocolate Covered Jesus, I need something to drink!”<br />
<br />
“Sweet Chocolate Covered Jesus, I would rather blog than work!!”<br />
<br />
I love it, I may just create a Facebook page for it, I will include recipes ===
Sweet Chocolate Covered Jesus Angel food Cake
Sweet Chocolate Covered Jesus Marshmallow clusters
Sweet Chocolate Covered Jesus Communion Wafers<br />
<br />
Perhaps Facebook “Sweet Chocolate Covered Jesus ” will ‘friend’ Candy Coated Christ, Devil’s Food Cake, Deviled Eggs, and Holy Toast<br />
<br />
.
I do not think it is cussing, borderline blasphemy, perhaps, but definitely not cursing in the traditional sense.
I may just patent this as my own – even though it is totally stolen<br />
<br />
“Sweet Chocolate Covered Jesus, I am just incredibly amused with myself!”
Obviously I am completely loosing my mind.Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-47671704561246454972012-01-03T18:06:00.001-05:002012-01-03T18:06:30.545-05:00UN-PEZIDENTAL BEHAVIORThey have gone too far!
Things that can be used as a Pez dispenser--
- Cartoon Characters, like Bugs, Smurfs, Beavis
- TV Characters, like Spock, Cap'n Kirk, Batman
- Movie Characters, mythological creatures, football helmets
Anything but Presidents of the United States!!
But there they are - in the aisle at the grocery store, a collection of our forefathers, atop candy dispensers, ready to crack their necks back and spit out a Pez. Yuk!
They should be on coins and currency and stamps not Pez.
George Washington must be spinning in his tomb, knowing that he is puking out candy from his jugular.
This is highly unacceptable!!!Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-23899969280465260642011-12-31T08:52:00.000-05:002011-12-31T10:08:57.120-05:00Good bye, Hello!Goodbye 2011<br />You have been the most stressful but magnificent of all years for me, I have learned so much.<br />I have finally realized how many great friends I have and how lucky I am they have not bailed on me and my chaos<br />I have learned that I have managed to raise amazing strong children despite my dragging them through all my drama and mayhem. They make better choices, and have allowed themselves to find people that love them and find their way to happiness. I sure did not lead by example.<br />I have learned that I am much stronger than I had realized previously, that I am capable of making major decisions and knowing that I can pull myself through life.<br />I have learned that life happens – and that if you do not find the silver lining in what you have been given, It is a miserable existence. That being positive in the face of it all, does work, and that if you can find a way to laugh about it, it will be laughable, and in the end, totally worth it. I have learned that no matter what I have been able to laugh at things, and find the humor – and that just may be my greatest assest. It is time again, to expand that – and make other laugh, hopefully with me and not at me!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Hello 2012<br />I pray for less stress, but with that stress often comes great growth, could be a slower growth though<br />I resolve to be a better friend, it is my weakness without a doubt, I need to let all of them know how much they are appreciated and how much I value them. Even though I cannot seem to get more than emails out, and a visit, well that would be way more than I can seem to get done! I am THAT friend. Hate that about myself. My friends have always been better to me than I am to them.<br />I resolve to tell my children how proud of them I am at every opportunity, they deserve to know that. So many of us go through our lives wondering what our parents think of us. I never really knew, I had to guess, but I want my children to know it. So they can move ahead with their lives with some form of confidence.<br />I have not had much faith in myself, in my own strength and my own decisions. Probably because I have not made very many good decisions, it had led to doubt. But I did make a lot of choices this year, and to my credit I am totally okay with them. Perhaps it is really time for me. I resolve to allow myself to do things for me but to stop obsessing with myself and all my drama<br />I resolve to bring back the blogs that have us laughing, to remember that no matter what crap you step in, that hoping around to clean it off your shoe is incredibly funny!Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-83214413311308123222011-11-30T21:15:00.002-05:002011-11-30T21:16:55.992-05:00The Crazy LifeFYI, I now have a facebook, going that way while my crazy life is in full motion. will be back to blogging soon, i am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. It could be an oncoming train, but you never knowImmortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-21570963961107258422011-08-24T00:01:00.001-04:002011-08-24T12:30:23.790-04:00H&R BlockTank has to have his tax forms for the last year for his interview.... in the morning! Grrr
<br />Since I do his taxes and obviously am responsible for anything to do with them, he informs me i have to get them printed out right away. although that sounds like a task that could be completed by say, hitting the print key or somehting like that, but that just would be incredibly simple.
<br />I grab my lap top and since it is acting all nuts, I decide that if i just print to a file it would be okay and then pull the file up on the desktop and print it. (again i am lulled into simpledom)
<br />I seem to have some sort of glitch that is preventing me from going on the internet, where as it turns out is the file that i need to print to a PDF. so i save to a SBU or USB or BUS or what ever you call this tiny chip. and head off with my rose colored glasses to the desktop (note, it is in the loft where the temperature is akin to the sun's surface) and figure out how to put it in this computer and view the file. Well not actually view because i can see the icon, but i cannot read the file because the software is not on this computer.
<br />But that should be easy enough to load on to it, once i find the disk (note, i had not put it back in the box, i had not put it in the file folder in the cabinet, i had for some reason left it in my lap top, that took about an hour)
<br />Load it up, and go to open the file, but i still cannot because the state form is only on the hard drive and I have to call HR Block to get it again.
<br />there is an 800 number and i cring, but what choice so i have, i am now in a battle with technogogy, my lost youth and my body's endurance of high temperatures.
<br />Now the phone is answered by a gentleman (i am like a reverse psychic. you know how they always say 'the persons name begins with J or T' and you give them a name and they say 'that is it', well i heard his name , i know his name, but all i can tell you is it begins with an R. reverse psychic.) so R manages to help me out of my state of panic and gets me up and running. I will not go into details, but i know all about his life, and we were on the phone easily an hour, and he is my new best friend. If you ever have a problem with your software, ask for the guy with the R name, he is wonderful.
<br />and I then print it out, 4 hours (not an exaggeration) later.
<br />I get the feeling I may be in another clamity spiral.
<br />I call Tank and tell him, he is not impressed, in fact, he asked me if I ate his oatmeal as he needs it for the morning. I told him to go to the store. GrrrImmortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-14034881430615644792011-08-23T18:22:00.000-04:002011-08-23T18:22:00.084-04:00Concidence?Now Fat Cat is stuck in southern Ohio where he was visiting soldier, broke down because he is out of gas. Now the gas gage has been broke and he told me "just use this gage here, it tells you how many gallons you use" - which was working fine until he realized that the thing was on liters and not gallons and then he changed it to the correct one for his nationality which then relieved him of the idea that his mini van was getting about 5 miles to the gallon and allowed him to push the envelope and see just how far he could go before he needed gas. Answer- 25.5 gallons worth of gas. Then you really need it...........brought to you!
<br />
<br />What a day, i am leaving now for the middle of no where.Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-57981583633973603732011-08-23T17:13:00.001-04:002011-08-23T17:13:00.629-04:00ALL SHOOK UPAnd now an earthquake in Ohio. This day is getting more strange by the minute!
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<br />Just sitting in my stall and my screen started wiggling, and my hand sanitizer fell over and I thought. This is odd, perhaps something hit the building. and for about 30 seconds i considered panicking and running through the halls and out the door. But i calmed my self down and realized that if the earth was not opening up with lava spewing that no one would appreaciate my sense of urgency. most people did not even feel it. I guess i am just hypersensitive, in tune with nature Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-44210703505396425522011-08-23T12:19:00.001-04:002011-08-23T12:48:15.449-04:00I (Sp)am her FriendThe tone for the day can be rather odd, when it starts out with your friend blasting you with porno emails at work.
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<br />Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-49335275527569234132011-07-25T22:20:00.000-04:002011-07-26T10:24:01.220-04:00This Explains A Lot"You have to help me! I am nearly blind, I am deaf, and I am dumb. Not the dumb like you are mute, but the real dumb. so when I say I cannot find something, stop trying to make fun of me and just help me!"<br /><br />Fat Cat when he could not find his keys todayImmortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-26993972121555115032011-07-07T17:02:00.000-04:002011-07-08T14:03:53.378-04:00To My Beloved GrandsonHAPPY BIRTHDAY T.J.<br />WHERE EVER YOU ARE<br /><br />I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND HOLD YOU IN MY HEART. YOUR MEMORY WILL NEVER FADE FOR ME.Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-84040903734017450532011-06-29T20:28:00.002-04:002011-06-29T20:41:57.969-04:0010 CakesI have had a couple requests for the lists of cakes that were at the shower, so here they are, and yes I made them all.......<br /><br /><br /><br />1. Red velvet - with pink tinted butter cream icing <br />2. Banana, with banana filling, and whipped cream icing flavored with my homemade vanilla <br />3. Tres Leches- "Three Milks" - a rich custard cake, with fresh whipped heavy cream, and topped with blueberries, red raspberries, and blackberries (this is like the new thing on the food network) <br />4. New York Cheese cake topped with cherries <br />5. Black Forrest, which had dark chocolate, cherry filling, and vanilla bean cream <br />6. Yellow butter cake, with chocolate butter cream frosting <br />7. Coconut, which is white cake and coconut frosting <br />8. Carrot bundt cake with cream cheese icing <br />9. German chocolate, which is the milk chocolate cake, filled and topped with a cooked Carmel pecan and coconut icing, wrapped in a thick milk chocolate gnash <br />10. a 4 layer bride cake, alternate with strawberry sour cream and french vanilla layers, filled with strawberry preserves and topped with a sweetened whip cream icing and of course the Barbie DollImmortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-90392344658718006472011-06-27T19:11:00.002-04:002011-06-27T19:14:30.394-04:00Showered with LoveGot to admit I may not have given my daughter the perfect life, I may not ever have been the perfect mother, but for one brief moment, i gave her the perfect shower. I could not have been more proud of my friends, my family and my children. if this is any preview of the wedding to come, I am so excited!<br /><br />THANK YOU MY FRIENDS! YOU MADE IT ALL HAPPEN!Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-79410801217061566982011-06-02T17:01:00.000-04:002011-06-02T17:01:01.100-04:00Left of LegalSo The Sasquatch is at the gas station last night on his way home from work, he pays for the gas, which is always unsettling, and pumps it, then glances inside the car and sees his keys and phone laying on the seat. About the same time as he realizes the doors are locked.<br /><br />Hmmm<br /><br />He cannot call Angel, because his phone is trapped in the car, resting beside his keys. He cannot use a payphone because they no longer exist. He goes back inside, he explains the situation, which although is embarrassing, is probably not the worst thing a gas station attendant has ever heard, and reluctantly , and possibly only because he is large and someone intimidating, they allow him to use their phone. He calls his dear girlfriend.<br /><br />She is shopping at the mall, her phone rings, she glances at the caller ID, does not recognize the number and drops the call to voice mail.<br /><br />He realizes she has just put him to voice mail, and tries to leave a message that expresses the urgency, but since he is standing in a crowded gas station, does not involve screaming and cursing.<br /><br />She continues to shop.<br /><br />He also realizes he cannot call anyone else because he does not have any other numbers in his head, only in the phone memory, which again is in the locked car.<br /><br />She gets this felling that since that odd number left a message, that maybe she should listen. <br /><br />Panic ensues.<br /><br />She calls Fat Cat –who snags a wire hanger (thank god we still use them, “No more wire hangers” is not something we have ever said) from the closet, grabs the wire cutters from the kitchen table (where I was using them to make flower arrangements- another story). And bolts out the door to his white horse to save the day (okay not a white horse, but a bashed up 2004 minivan, that could be mistaken for a salvage vehicle) <br /><br />Sasquatch is still awaiting – no clue if Angel got the message, no clue who else to call because no one else would be home nor close.<br /><br />Angel is racing home to get the other set of keys, because she has no faith that a coat hanger can open a car door.<br /><br />Fat Cat arrives, hops out, wiggles in the coat hanger, and pops open the door.<br /><br />Sometimes it makes me a little nervous that his talents are slightly left usable in the law abiding world, but none the less, he did manage to be very efficient. <br /><br />Then they took us out for chicken. Perfect!Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-77481347166850897612011-06-01T17:30:00.000-04:002011-06-01T17:30:00.791-04:00NO TALENT ASS CLOWNHow do you know when you are overwhelmed and should just go home? When you are getting ready for lunch to start, and decide to go to the restroom, and notice that you have two DIFFERENT socks on, (not only in color but in the pattern) and they show because you are wearing flats. That is how. GRRR<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Also Angel has a series of buttons that she wears for work (I believe they actually call them ‘flare’) and she has them from all over and gets them from all over, and sometimes she just gets a bag of them, and has to go through them because some are not ‘family friendly’ – so she has one that says ‘NO TALENT ASS CLOWN’<br /><br />Okay I have no clue what that means, but it is just hysterical and I cannot stop saying it (in my head, because I can’t really say it out loud at work ) and then just loosing it (out loud)<br /><br />So after the mismatched socks and the bursts of laughter so violent that pop just erupts from my nose, I think my co workers believe me to be insane. Or maybe I am just a ‘no talent ass clown’Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-10131562289781095002011-05-04T21:51:00.000-04:002011-05-04T21:52:45.255-04:00Little LonelyHave to admit it, I am a little lonely - miss my baby girl.Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-58725834010356251802011-05-01T20:57:00.001-04:002011-05-01T20:57:55.821-04:00Empty RoomAngel has moved, her own home, now it is just TankImmortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-77742539025839190122011-04-03T19:43:00.006-04:002011-04-03T20:01:21.210-04:00It's On!The 'save the dates' are in the mail, all the bridesmaids have made bail, So off we went in search of the Holy Grail. To southern Ohio a shop we know Where every prom we used to go when we did not have much money to blow And I promised her I would not shed one tear but she is my darling my dear my emotions overflowng was my fear I bit my tongue and my lip But let me give you a solid tip so that you do not let your feeling slip Hold your pride in very tight and then late at night when you know longer have to fight To your blog you can cry because she is your baby and no matter how hard you try You do not want to give her to that guy (we have the dress, i did not cry, i am now, that is no lie)Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160308670484582662.post-70060981125103916332011-03-21T12:00:00.002-04:002011-03-21T12:08:55.074-04:00Water Water Everywhere!Yep the 55 gallon Fish Tank has sprung a leak. sort of like the ocean on the isle of Japan. We have managed to save the fish, with a brand new tank. I hate Fate!Immortal Womanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11131280945978372051noreply@blogger.com0