I do not know what to do with this and this is stressing me to the point I am making pudding from scratch and loaf after loaf of zucchini bread. I am torn, simply torn. (maybe that is why my writing is appearing like gibberish, dear Anonymous)
Tank and his girlfriend have a baby, it is not his baby, but he is the man in all the pictures from the hospital and the one getting up at night and helping. He is mad crazy in love with her and the mother too. He has never been so happy and he so wants to share his happiness. And God help me I am trying.
I sent flowers, I visited, I took balloons, I do care. But I am afraid. Afraid he is going to break two hearts this time, or get his double broken. I do not think he realizes how hard it is to give your heart to a child that you have no legal attachment to. He does not realize how important it is to be in this child's life. She will look at those photos of her birth and think he is the father, and if he is gone she will hate him for leaving.
The more I try to act like it is normal the more I babble and speak in gibberish (Yes anonymous, gibberish) and bake and cook and become more and more abnormal. I want to relax with this situation.
I cannot judge him, I am continuously falling in love with babies, and pets, and people. And I drag them through my life, over the bumps and peaks right with me. I cannot let them go. I watch him taking care of them and I know how he is feeling. I just hope he is strong enough for the future, strong enough to heal after a broken heart and strong enough to hold on to them if that is indeed what he wants.
7 years ago