So my name should be Judgy Mc Judgerson because I made a huge nasty judgement. We had a wedding to go to, on my husband‘s side. Yeah, you are all making the same cringe. This is his southern family and the wedding was to take place in the Hocking Valley. For those unfamiliar with this area, it is well know for the huge Amish population and stills. Sort of time machine-like - a visit to the ‘hills’. So we get on the computer and we get our Map Quest directions out, and it is only a 3 hour drive (Did Gillian’s Island start out that way?) and then I also printed out the reverse directions because trying to read the existing ones backward is way too complex for us. I get a nice gift, I get a nice dress, I get my husband up from his nap so he can jump into the clothes I have already laid out for him like a little person on the bed. He refused to wear the dress clothes because ‘where the hell do you think we are going?”
We get several calls from Fat Cat’s mom, checking to see if we are going, because they left at noon, we , believers in the Map Quest directions, did not leave until two. Of course, my brother in law called also, because we are like the little ‘retarded’ couple who is often overwhelmed by simple tasks. While Fat Cat screamed at them, Angel gather up our stuff and helped us out the door (okay, we forgot the directions and she had to chase us out the drive way waving the papers and screaming at us.) Then we began our drive, past the hometown of our soldier’s wife, which is what I consider extremely rural, and deep into the heart of (by the count of Dixie flags waving) the deep south. I am not sure how Ohio became so southern, but there is a very large chunk that is still rather clannish, if you know what I mean. The roads became more narrow, and less populated as we went. They became one lane about 30 miles from the final location. I do not mean one lane each direction, I actually do mean one lane. (About this time, I thought maybe he was right and I was freakishly over dressed in my white pumps and sundress) At one point we were actually driving in what seemed to be a corn field. That is all we could see, it was higher than the van and went on for what seemed like miles. We popped out in what seemed to be a drive way but just passed close to a house and next to their barn. Fat Cat commnets that we could be dead back here and no one would be able to find us until we were skeletons, I checked the phone, no signal. Then around a bin and we were suddenly riding along a cliff. (same one lane road, I am not sure which one of us were the most scared, me hanging over the cliff or Fat Cat, scared that a local would barrel down the road at 90 directly at us).
We cam to the end of the road and nothing there, we missed it some how, but within view was a gas station. We drove there and seemed to attract a lot of attention from a car load of gentlemen drinking bear (and I think playing a banjo) But the cashier knew where we were supposed to be and back down the one lane we went and from that direction we could see the sign. Another one lane passage straight up and then we found a small parking lot.
My brother in law came running out, amazed we found it, amazed we were on time. And the wedding began a few minutes later. This part had a beautiful outdoor stone patio that served as a chapel with a massive stone fireplace as the alter, complete with candles and flowers. There was a gorgeous fish pond with rustic fountain and log railed gazebo for the reception. There were manicured gardens and servers running around refilling your drinks before they ice even had a chance to melt. It was wonderful. And the tables were decorated with fresh yellow flowers and soft candles. There were maybe 40 guests but to be honest it was probably one of the nicest weddings I have ever been too.
Of course, Fat Cat pulled us out before it became dark so we missed the dancing, which I am sure was nice also. He was absolutely correct though, it was not only dark, it was black out, and we had made it passed all the scarey parts in the day light, while my in-laws drove around in the dark for an hour before they found their way out. We had us a big hee haw over that one, but we were in awe of the backwoods wedding that was so nice and just a little more than embarrassed of our poor attitude before hand.
8 years ago