It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Watch Yourself in the Parking Lot!

We love us a carnival, despite the fact they are incredible expensive for what you get.. Set up in some random parking lot with giant rides and impossible to beat games, and greasy food, and fun!! These are some of the conversations you can over hear if you happen to be there with my tribe--

1. “ I want to go to the carnibal, I want to go to the carnibal.” When we go to pick up George for an evening of rides, the Crack Babies totally freak out. They have no clue what a Carnival is but, by god, they want to find out! Zowie loads them up in her mni van and follows us. I told her I would pay for George’s ride and some tickets for the Babies. ($25.00)

2. “A round of funnel cakes all around, on me!?” Upon arrival at the carnival we find Number One and his wife. Dad gets all excited, because there is a possibility the grandkids are there, and what better way to be good Pappa than to get them a powder sugar covered deep fried dough clump. As it turned out only the two step grandkids were with them, but good enough! ($20.00)

3. “That was the girl who was on her third kid at graduation. “ Angel sees a young lady she graduated with, realizing yet again, how wonderful my daughter is, I buy her a few ride tickets, a sandwich and pretty much anything else she wants. ($20.00)

4 “The lesbians are here!” Dad is again completely excited because our alternate life style neighbors are here with their kids that call him Uncle Dan and adore him. He gives them money to play some games, where the idea of a grand stuffed animal is too much for anyone to resist, and too complicated for anyone to win! ($10)

5. “I am not holding your tooth.” Okay this was me, Dad cannot eat with his fake tooth in and there is no place to put it when eating a sausage sandwich standing up! He put it in his pocket after waving it around for awhile and I could eat my food without having a view of it. ($20)

6. “Isn’t that one of Number One’s baby momma’s?” Zowie sees them first, in the kiddie part and comes barreling at us with a stroller full of Babies. This means that there is possibility of another grandchild here, and we go off following her! We get there, see the grandson, and realize his mamma is unaware that Number One is here with his wife. My stomach gets all knotted up. We have to get another funnel cake. ($5)

7. “Is that Luigi from Mario’s brothers?” Number One’s wife’s attempt to make fun of the baby momma’s new boyfriend. Great. Even though she may be spot on in her discription, I really do not want to deal with unnecessary drama. We decide we need a lemon aid. ($10)

8. “And I will see YOU again later” Said by one of the ride operators to my 10 year old grandson, and the creep factor was so high, Angel brought the boy right back to us, We then bribed him with batting cages and leaving the carnival ($15)

9. “WTF” Dad as he realized we had spent all the money we brought but the last little bit, that he wanted to use to get yet another funnel cake. ($5) We realized for what we just spent at the ‘carnibal’ we could have got the lawnmower fixed.

10. “And women like you get their asses kicked in parking lots” As we go to leave, the babies start to rebell in such a high pitch scream, everyone started looking. They were bawling and throwing themselves against their stroller restraints. The ydid not want to leave the Carnival. In their frustration to express their will, one peed itself and the other began hitting himself. Zowie’s frustration level went up and I wondered how we are going to get them into the van. They were screeching, she was yelling, people were staring. All the issues they have from being so tortured in the womb flew to the surface, Zowie desperately tried to reel them in.. A woman who obviously had no clue as to what was going on nor who she was dealing with, approached Zowie got about a foot from her and began screaming that it was ‘ woman like her that need Children’s services called on them.’ Zowie’s reaction - pricelessly perfect in our barrel!

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