Ahh, it is May, and with that, the barrel begins to tip. All the sunshine and birds makes the little crazies restless and we begin to ramp up for the summer.
The top 10 ways to know it is spring on Kracker Lane
10. There is fresh junk rusty car in the drive way. ( Dad decides every spring to work on cars for extra money, this time he drug home a car belonging to an African American friend ; it has a lanyard tied around the stump of what used to be door handle, a mismatched hood, and several shoe size dents. )
9. Way too early in the season, Dad and Angel have planted the garden. (Since this decision was made spur of the moment and with a flurry of excitement, the only place that seemed appropriate was the 27 foot diameter dirt circle where my above ground pool used to be. So I have a large circle garden, tomato cages and all, directly in the middle of my backyard. )
8. There are piles of poop on the patio. (For some reason, having the patio open and cleaned off has always triggered the two stupid Pomeranians, known as A.D.D. Duke and Bi-polar Buster, to crap on the concrete. Granted, it is small enough to pick up with a tissue, but the quantity is like having a large gaggle of geese in the yard.)
7. The evenings are longer, and while we are porch lounging, people frequently stop buy with pleasant conversation. ( My Brothers 5th ex-wife, stopped by, since we were out, to let me know one of my nieces’ is pregnant and the other is almost off probation and may soon get her son back. Nothing makes you realize just how much you belong in a barrel than a visit from the family.)
6. A dead end street is the perfect spot for 4 wheeler races and mini bikes (did I mention the beer?)
5. The cops have made their first sweep of the season. (After the young guys stay up drinking half the night, the old guys who have to go to work, find the fireworks uncalled for.)
4. The annual contest over who will drag the window air conditioners out of the attic and install them begins. (Tank and Fat Cat antler butt over this while angel and I roast alive in the upstairs and cannot get to sleep at night . They both sleep downstairs where the temperature is about 150 degrees cooler and they can pretend that the air conditioners are really not going to be needed. This war is usually not resolved with out a shock and aw explosion on my part.)
3. The in laws disappear to the campgrounds every weekend. (With a NASCAR theme and jazzed up golf carts, they spend their weekends with about 25 other couples on a plot of ground 45 minutes away from everyone else, in a tiny camper with a big deck. We are always invited to come out for the weekend, but Memorial day is the one time we get to share in the joy of nature, the out of doors, and the pleasure of drunken old guys gossiping about the ‘idiots’ on the other side of the park.)
2. We fill the propane tanks for the BBQ season. (we have two gas grills and one charcoal smoker, where Dad helps out by cooking the meat for most of the meals. Of course, I still have to prepare everything, run out all the utensils he forgot, bring the water to put out the fire, and set the table but the meat is no longer my concern)
And the number one way you can tell spring has Kracked……..
1. The first major bonfire of the year is scheduled - our neighbors have invited all their friends ! Dad and Tank are getting their lawn chairs ready, because it will be different this year, this year there will be pretty ones, like on TV! - Hope is eternal as the couple next door set up the chairs, throw a couch into the pile of wood, and settle in for what Dad calls - LES FEST 2008. Yes, we have lesbian neighbors and the boys are sure those TV and ‘movie’ girls will show up anytime! Not like the previous years when they all rather looked like men. Stupid boys, it must be spring.
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