It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I Need A Wife
There is a new 'Most Stupidest Show on TV' and dad cannot leave it alone. It is 'A Farmer Wants a Wife.' He walks around singing (to the tune of Farmer in the Dell) 'Farmer wants a wife, farmer want a wife, hi ho dairy oh, farmer want a wife.' There is also some sort of gyrating dancing that goes along with the song. I cannot stop laughing and he keeps asking me 'Am I wrong? isn't that the song?' I cannot even respond, it is so ridiculous. He watches the show with the intensity he does with TV poker tournaments and yells at the Farmer as to what would be the correct thing to do. He is also extremely serious about how he would like to have a 'Date with Dad' show and get trashy girls like on Rock of Love to compete for a date with him. This is not just one of his ramblings, he has this all thought out. There would be a stripper challenge involving a pole and possibly a trapeze. Then there would be a cooking challenge that would involve sandwiches with various lunch meats and salads. All this is, of course, after he gets his new hearing aids because then they are going to send him to Unassisted Living classes. I am hoping that Unassisted means he will be able to do things for himself. Because he cannot do anything for himself now. (the classes are part of the Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation program for auto workers to re acclimate into the work force, they are the ones actually paying for his new high tech hearing aids, because his hearing is so bad and after he gets the new aids then he will be eligible for various classes. He has to take the the Un-assisted living class first, because he is handicapped and this will help him develop skills to live on his own - Hmmm, I can only hope) I hope they teach him how to look up phone numbers and then dial them for himself. I am going to come up with a list of things he needs to learn. He says he told the case worker that with the unassisted living classes he would not need a wife anymore. Maybe not. Then after the living on your own class is over they are supposed to help teach him a new trade. He has decided that he wants to be a Fishing boat Captain. (although better than playing poker for a career, which he has researched by watching all the poker on TV humanly possible) This new boat thing is from the man that spent a week vomit-ting after a trip on the ocean. He has to have Dramamine when he takes a bath ! But he has now changed his mind, he has decided to be a Farmer. On the show. Not a real one. I am sure that there is a class that will teach you to be a reality show star. 'Farmer Fat Cat wants a wife, Farmer Fat Cat wants a wife, hi ho diary oh, Farmer Fat Cat wants a wife.' 'Come on to the barn Honey, I got a brass pole put in just for you'. He is all excited about his new idea. I can hardly wait.