It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Thursday, May 22, 2008

ENOUGH

I had a gun waved at me while being robbed. I held my mother in my arms while she slipped away. I have been beaten up. I worked two jobs while I was pregnant to make ends meet.

I get so sick of trying to see the positive side of things. I am just done. I give. I am tired of the fight. I am tired of making lemonade out of the life lemons. I have done it enough.
I watched Alzheimer’s eat my fathers brain before it took his life. I watched my brothers go to prison. I was mugged in park with my babies at my feet. I have had a car stolen.
I am tired of being optimistic. Always hopeful that next time will be better. Putting inspirational messages around to help keep myself up. Finding the rainbow after rain.
I buried my brothers. I divorced. I watched my husband on a ventilator and wondered when he would be gone. I had a plane crash right beside me.
I cannot even mention some of the worst things. I cannot breath them out loud even anonymously. There are bizarre things that people just won’t believe. And the endless pounding of everyday disappointments. I have ‘refocused’ , ‘regrouped’, ‘recovered’ and 'resovled'.
I give. No more. They win, I am broken. I’ll just be as negative as everyone else, I has to be easier.

1 comment:

2 Kids 3 Martinis said...

Oh, Immortal Woman, this made me so sad. Wow, you've been through a lot. I know a little bit about it, I do. Optomism is very overrated sometimes. I'm sorry you've had a tough life. I hope it felt good to get it out here. I know that helps me sometimes...just the purging typing the words brings. Other things are sometimes best left unsaid.
I hope you're feeling better physically and emotionally.