It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I am Starving

Actually we are flashing back to Saturday when we tried to help a Cancer victim and a local merchant only to end up completely mortified.

First we get up and hit the flea market, but on the way we saw, in our little neighborhood a nice little BBQ stand set up (like the kind you see at the fair) and decided when we were done shopping we would stop by for lunch. We had originally planned to stop at a carnival (set up in the grocery store parking lot) but well, sometimes those carnivals teeter to the creepy side, and you just can't be sure you are not going to run into some future stalker or see someone from America's most wanted. And we wanted to support our local economy and this was pretty much a given to be a local group.

So we get our veggies and fruits and ecoli from the flea market and when we get near home, we stop at the stand. We walk up and get a big old view of rather hefty thick woman, which usually is a sign of a good cook, and her four rather big boned teenage assistants. They had sausage sandwiches, ribs, burgers,hot dogs - totally what Fat Cat was ready for!!

We get one of everything (note, we now have both quit smoking and have opted to replace that habit with gorging ourselves) and we ran home to angel's delight with our treasures. Fat Cat opens his sausage sandwich, to find it has just onions on it. Now we have eaten a lot of street vendor sausage sandwiches and never saw just onions on top of a gray sausage. Yuk. To the dogs with that. The coney dog was pretty much canned sauce but Fat Cat ate it. Angel took the cheese burg ate one bite declared it a 'school' burger and sent it off to the dogs. I had a rack of ribs (shut up, they were for all of us to share, I am not that big of a pig) - i could not eat them, they both tried some, and labeled them nasty. This stand gives white trash a bad name- Come on now, this is the food we should be able to whip up greasy good in a buttery hot minute, I am so embarrassed. But that is okay we have a benefit to go to....

So my mother -in-law's brother-in -law, which is my step uncle in law (?) - or what ever, was recently diagnosed with a very fast moving stage 4 lung cancer that has now moved to his bones (Hmm, could this be one of the catalyst for my non-smoking, coincidence, I do not think so), and the camp grounds (okay do not get me started on this nascar breeding white ghetto camp ground, that I loathe, and makes my skin crawl with the out houses and the bugs and he $50K campers) was throwing a benefit spaghetti dinner for him. And of course we are compelled to go, and we want to, he is a wonderful man, and this is horrid and we like spaghetti. We drive the 45 minutes to get to the camp grounds, we drive 5 miles an hour back to the 'club house' to be greeted on our walk in by one of my in law relatives who is now HUGE. (okay, here is the dish on this nightmare woman, she is about 5 years younger than me and always thought herself a really hot little number, and used to hit on my husband and my bother in law - not really related, but none the less, just nasty, she looked down her nose at my simple little self=== from her stipper pole!!!. And now she looks a LOT like Monica from Friends in the fat suit!! OMG, I am sorry to be so vicious but I had myself a good inside chuckle. Not very christian like, my husband said, but sometimes you just have to bask in the fact that in one year, someone who thinks they are all that and a bad of chips, is now the size of all that from eating all the chips! Man it was sweet) I digress sorry, but we get in side and they have run out of spaghetti, so I paid for my little delight by being starved and only having cake to eat, which was really really sweet and sent me into a chatty sugar buzz, and I had to constantly fight myself not to scream in my sugar rage, 'Did you see the size of Lori????' but i didn't spew that out, thank god.

Now it is 9 PM and we are driving home and pull into hardees because i have to have some solid food of some kind today. I get some sort of speciality burger that takes like 6 hours to cook - Rush home and take one bite and realize why we never go to hardees and why if we did we never should go right before they close, because my sandwich was horrible. It just may have been rancid. Yuk. So i ate another piece of cake that my mother in law had sent home with me, and then laid in bed about 2 hours all geaked out and flipping channels like a coke head. When I finally did sleep I was chased by the Goodyear blimp and could not run because my feet were stuck in giant sheet cake, I woke up starving!!!

2 comments:

themom said...

I want to quit smoking, but apparently I don't "badly" enough. With my heart history one would think it would be an easy decision, but I am "hooked." I am big enough, and worrying about gaining more weight (and I know I would), does not sit well either.

Your outside food ventures sound like one disaster after another. Better luck over the holiday weekend.

The Immortal Woman said...

Not the most logical reason, but in reality, I refuse to pay the taxes any more. It is rediculous that the state is demanding more and more taxes, but passes laws to prevent me from smoking anywhere. The more i do not smoke, the less money they get from me. My little way to protest.