It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Sunday, February 22, 2009

You Know You Are A Red Neck If your Dining Room Chair has Leg Extensions

While I was at church working on my GPS ( God Positioning System, I am so funny aren't I? I also had this thought that we should call vanity plates, text plates, because they were our first Text Messages, or maybe text should be call vanities? It was early and my mind was also straying) Fat Cat was busy apparently routing through neighborhood trash.

He found a 1960's style end table that he now has cleaned up and put beside his chair in my family room - which matches nothing and looks ridiculous. Then he took a chair that probably was bought at the same time as the table and sat beside it in someones house since 1965. It has gold padding if that is a clue. Now Fat Cat has decided that it will be the perfect chair for his spot at the dinning room table. OMG. Now it is a LIVING ROOM chair and since it is too short for the table, that presents a problem. But not for Fat Cat. While I grocery shopped, did laundry, watched a movie on and off, Fat Cat found some PVC (white mind you) pipe that would give him the 8 inches more than he wanted for each leg. He whittled (yeah, that's right, whittled) the 4 legs down to the fit in the pipe, which he then puttered with them, gluing and screwing them until he got them all even (it took several tries and he lost about an inch of height) Then he spray painted them brown - did I mention he did not open any windows and the paint fumes were awful? He also keeps spraying the thing with room freshener, because, well it smells like a wet basement and a little like cat pee. Then he realized he now needs bracing, more pipe, more screwing, and then auto bondo (you know the stuff they use to fix car dents and cracks? that stinks and needs to be only used in a well ventilated area, not a dining room- in a house- in Ohio- in the winter.) Fortunately he had used up all the brown spray paint on the leg extensions, so I was spared any more of that smell. Even the dogs were choking and all i thought was if one of those pups drops dead I am running out the door.

He spent hours working on it. Really hours. I made dinner and he was all excited about sitting in his basement smelling, extended leg, white PVC braced, nailed up, gold, bondo'ed, cat pee chair. So excited, that about 1/2 way through the meal he chokes (on the smell or the food, doesn't matter) and pukes up like Vesuvius all over the table, my plate, and of course, the chair. I just got up and scrapped my plate into the trash and pitched him a towel. The day had started out so sweetly.

2 comments:

A Musing Mom said...

This is absolutely hysterical!!!! you need to send it to a magazine! And the chair now is......where?!

The Immortal Woman said...

Sitting at the head of my beautiful oak dinning room table. Like a throne --- on stilts!