It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Monday, March 17, 2008

What is a Memaw to do?

So I had promised myself that I would write every day, to get it out, to hopefully get the tension off myself in a effort to keep the meds at a reasonable dosage and my thin line of sanity intact. Instead I continued to wallow in this depression that has become my life. I cannot even begin to tell you why, okay I can tell you why, but to do so is to face it, and leave myself no choice but to change it or accept it. (Hmmm, is that not in a prayer some where?) How do I accept this latest hand that I have been dealt? I made the choice to NOT have sex with my boss, who continually pressured me for about 2 years, and when he decided that I was not going to give in, found a woman that was more than willing. Now she is my boss, and knowing that she was his second choice, she is doing everything she can to drive me completely crazy. This is just unbelievable to me, because one would think that at close to 50 years of age I would not be in this position. It is not like i am some freakishly hip and cool Madonna like 50 year old. I am a Memaw. What the hell?! The most hilarious part of it all is that we are in the middle of taking these ethics classes at work about harassment, and the president of our company has a girl friend (and a wife, of course) and she has been promoted to director. And quiting for principle seems to not be an option, when you have a house and kids in college and health issues. Therefore I am stuck in this impossible pathetic situation where I am being tortured daily and lied to with no hope of it ending. Truthfully I know it cannot continue , I cannot continue.

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