YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO LEARN

The things I learned this week –
1. If you loose vision in one eye you should have someone watch your kids for days, get a pedicure, get your nails done, shop for hours, take pain pills and sleep for hours, then tell everyone you are going blind in one eye and a nurse is going to come to the house daily. (My daughter in law told me this, therefore I believe it and, silly me, I thought she just had a sinus infection)

2. If you are raging upset at a child that is using drugs, refuses to call you back, and works at a job where the big advantage is ‘I get to do all the free shots I want’, you should scream at the other child, who is working full time, going to school full time, and working on building credit so they can buy a house. (my husband taught me this lesson, and I am struggling with it, but it must be right, because HE does it)

3. If you really do not have a job, you should not sit in front of your living room window with the TV on, so your father can see you, then get you to come to his house and move furniture, help teardown the pool, haul stuff to the junk yard and basically work you to the point of exhaustion, then drop you off at home after buying you a can of chew and fountain soda. (My oldest son taught me this one, Dad keeps out smarting him and every time it is a difficult lesson.)

4. Never eat that cheese with the ‘live culture’ to help with regularity right before you leave for work. (learned this one all on my own, and relived the message over and over during the day)

5. If you wait until the last minute to do your taxes, you will not have to use a ‘live culture’ cheese to help with your digestive track, because you will not be able to digest anything. (again, a lesson I have learned all on my own)

6. If you spend all day of the first nice day walking around the zoo for literally hours, and then make a hog of yourself at Hoggy’s BBQ, your alone time with your husband in the evening will be spent laying around recuperating from walking for hours at the zoo and eating the He Man Sampler Platter all by yourself. (Dad and I actually learned this lesson together)

7. If you spend all day smoking and watching TV while your wife does a week’s worth of laundry, days with of dishes, preps for the week, and vacuums’, your alone time with your wife will be spent alone with yourself. (OK, I actually taught this lesson, but it is still a good lesson and really worth mentioning)

8. When a marriage near you is shattering, it is best to take a good look at what you have, there is seriously something to be said for a husband that does not cheat, that really would rather stay home with you, likes to spend time together doing what ever it is you want to do, and thinks you are the most gifted talented funniest woman in the world. (I do not like to share this one, it is a lesson I keep quiet, because I am afraid to think it out loud, that he does love me and that he really does think I am wonderful. Because the worse lesson is when you have to learn that someone doesn’t love you)

9. If you are a cute blonde with twinkling eyes that looks like a teacher and wants to be a teacher, you automatically get into the college of education – lesson is, that you still have to do the work and get the grades. (my daughter is learning this and I am learning this with her, because damn it, she looks like a teacher and is so cute, it should be that she just plan gets to be one!)

10. If you want a friend you have to be one, and sometimes we forget that those relationships take effort also. And I have a friend that needs me, not to do anything, but to be there, and tell her she is the most gifted, talented, funniest kindest, person on the planet and I absolutely love her. And no matter what drama I am in the middle off, I still need to be there for her. And this is the most important lesson I have learned this week, that my children grow up, husbands grow distant, but your girlfriends are there when you need them, when you laugh, when you cry, when you just need to go to lunch, and when you need to hear that you are all that and side of gravy.