Thank you!!!!

I would like to send some Thank You’s to people who really deserve it for the lovely weekend they have supplied:
1. I would love to thank Fat Cat for the never ending complaining and pouting about how he is old and hurts everywhere and no one cares about him and his problems. Thank you , it means so much that you acknowledge how much I do for your children and how I worked two jobs so your children could have the Christmas of their dreams. It means so much to me that you acknowledge my efforts to bring joy into the lives of others, and I so enjoy your pain and suffering as you sit in your chair for days on end in your retirement.
2. Thank you Tank, for taking out your frustration with your love life, your father, and your career on me by screaming at me several times over the phone in an attempt to some how make me responsible for all of it. I do not know what brought this barage of profanity on, but I so enjoyed it.
3. Thank you Sony, for creating some sort of melt down in the Play Station 3 that has given Tank yet another reason to feel miserable and unlucky and another step closer to complete meltdown.
4. Thank you, stupid ass pick up truck driver that slid into Fat Cat while we were crossing the parking lot, because the already raging Fat Cat really needed yet another reason to lose it completely and start spewing cuss words about the parking lot. And especially thank you for also screaming back so that ‘it was on’ and there were F bombs dropping and finger waving and Fat Cat complete with glasses and hearing aids was announcing that he was going to ‘kick his f&^&% ing ass’ once we all got into the store. Thank you. I love to flee from the impending police arrival at the grocery store I go to every week.
5. Thank you , dealership service man for telling us the reason we do not have heat in the van (note it was 11 degrees inside the van, and we have no defrosters either) is because of some thingy ma bob, that can be replaced and we will be out of there within one hour for around a hundred dollars. Thank you for telling us all that, while you actually hold up captive for 3 hours and want to charge me $600. And a big quadruple thank you for saying it with a smile so that Fat Cat looses it and announces he is going to ‘kick your ^%&^^ing ass’ right in the middle of the show room. Yes, it was great that you only charged us $85 for not fixing the vehicle. I should have charged you a fee for prying Fat Cat’s hands from your little scrawny neck.
6. Thank you wood burner cement mantle for jumping in Fat Cat’s way while he was stumbling to the bathroom after the better portion of a bottle of rum was consumed. Because I love that my husband now has no big toe nail and no toe nail on his next to the big toe toe. Thank you for giving him this lovely bloody stump look that almost looks like red painted toe nails, leaving Fat Cat to announce in the middle of night in a quite house that he is going to ’kick you f&^%&^%ing ass’ you stupid wood burner. Now he is not able to wear shoes and of course is brandishing the liberated toenails as evidence of your viciousness. Yes, Thank you.
7. Thank you spirit world for making a 'has not worked for 10 years' watch worn by a meth head suddenly start working right in the middle of the funeral service, because that announcement has now freaked out my grandchildren so bad they are having nightmares. I do not know why this has happened, but it is just great I tell you.
8. Thank you everyone for giving me one of the best weekends on record. You have officially kicked my f^&%&^ing ass.