My Big Brother

There are moments when at the precise second they happen you know your life will never be the same. Thirteen years ago yesterday, I heard my sister’s voice tell me he was gone. And at that moment, I heard the crash of my family, the shift of my world under my feet. My big brother was gone. I still mourn for him, for my family, for the time when my heart was innocent, before everything shattered around me, the shards scaring me forever. His loss devastated my mother, a part of her gave up at that point. Within 6 months my father was gone, another 6 months and she was gone. Then my siblings ran away from me and all my pain. They were all gone, and my children had no grandparents, no aunts and uncles to love them and tease them. They were left with me and my tenous grip on reality. My big brother, the moment he slipped away so did the warmth and safety that was my crazy family. We were then surrounded by those who just wanted to love us, not because they had to but because they did. I was overwhelmed by those that cared for me and my babies, who did so not because of blood. The warmth and safety that is around me now, are my friends and my brother’s friends. All the women that just love us and loved him. Forever.